I'm sitting here now, 11:27 pm on the night of the election, and admittedly, tonight is not going how I expected. My eyes are bleary, already stinging from tears I haven't let myself shed. And I feel myself slipping into that cloudy place where everything I write will likely lean toward the dramatic.
Texts flash back and forth between myself and other local friends - "How is this happening?" "I cannot imagine this." "Maybe I should just go to sleep - I don't want to see this." It occurs to me that tomorrow in lecture we'll begin discussing how information processors cope. I look around at my near-empty bowl of cake and second pint of beer, and I let out a sad chuckle at this means of coping.
And then it hits me, "How did I fail to pre-familiarize for this?" How could my cognitive map be so deficient that I cannot even imagine a reality under a President Trump? I cannot wrap my mind around waking up tomorrow morning and not being able to tell my oldest daughter that YES, for her 5th birthday our country has elected the first female president. More so, I can't reconcile the values I earnestly believed to be inherently American with the values of this proposed leader.
So how and when does a cognitive map fail to pre-familiarize? If cognitive maps are built through repeated experience, what has my experience told me to expect? Have I naively insulated myself?
I spent the first 24 years of my life in Texas and much of my extended family lives in Oklahoma and I have in-laws throughout Minnesota. I'm often the quiet liberal outsider at family gatherings, having learned long ago not to try to engage with the majority of my family on politics. Yet despite feeling like I am regularly exposed to different perspectives, have I still managed to hide in some way? I think of the hypothetical rational actor rat in the T-maze. Seeking to maximize his gain of tasty food pellets, this rat chooses to go the same direction with every trip through the maze. But we know that this behavior isn't adaptive. This rat fails to gain other experiences and build valuable mental models that can effectively cope with change and variability. Did I unwittingly become this rational rat? Did I routinely choose to travel the same path? While I never "unfriended" or blocked anyone on Facebook for their views, no matter how antithetical to mine, don't we all tend to be attracted to similar thinkers - people whose ideas excite us and affirm us? Was I so inundated by the sweet stories from Pantsuit Nation the past couple of days that I failed to see or seek out similarly passionate stories from an equally large and influential populace of Trump supporters?
Or did previous experience lead me to predict this wouldn't be the case? Twice electing a president whom I have respected more as a leader and human being than almost any other public figure in my own history has perhaps led me to expect a different outcome tonight. I thought WE elected Barack Obama. WE would not possibly elect Donald Trump. Have my past experiences created expectations that now simply don't seem to fit with this emerging reality?
I don't know when we will be able to call this election or when sleep will come or what tomorrow will bring - aside from lots of coffee. But I do know that human beings are adaptive. We like to solve problems. We do not just care about ourselves. And we benefit from diversity. So if this whole thing ends up going the wrong way and let's face it, apparently half the country will feel this way tomorrow no matter who is elected, we can adapt. We can survive. I know these things to be true. I may not feel the affirmation of these statements in my heart right now - my heart is sinking ever lower in my body. But hopefully soon I will. Good night friends.
(Note: The political opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the University of Michigan or the other instructors of this course.)
Thank you for sharing this Erin. I woke up this morning thinking similarly but I wasn’t able to so skillfully relate my feelings to the context and framework of class. I thought: “Why didn’t I prepare myself for this?” Or, in this framework: pre-familiarize myself to make me more adaptive to this change? I remember thinking over the last several months that it was too painful to imagine, to start imagining. I was in denial and unwilling to address the possibility in advance. And now I am realizing that this is similar to people's reasoning about changing their behavior to adapt to climate change and energy descent. Perhaps they too think: It’s too much right now. I don’t want to hurt - or sacrifice - now if maybe there is a future scenario where I won’t have to. Then, I think about directed attention fatigue and how burnt out I am as a graduate student. I fundamentally lacked the attentional resources to even be willing to pre-familiarize. Today’s lecture was also applicable to me because instead of going to class this morning where I feel like I didn’t know what I could expect, I went to the Ginsberg Center - which is a familiar semi-public territory for me. I felt like I needed something in between territory and community coping - where I wanted some privacy but also the potential for social community in a controlled and expected way. It’s actually helpful to think through things in this framework. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you Erin, for using your voice on both a personal and academic level…relating current events to class material epitomizes the need for this type of education!
ReplyDeleteI, too, emotionally share(d) the same concerns as I watched these events incoherently unfold into unfamiliar territory. Yet, as uncertainties about the future of the environment and policies underway (and in place) to protect and preserve the environment began to build and suffocate my very nature, I feel like I’ve achieved a greater sense of clarity.
As an educator who was able to participate in and engage community members in environmental education programs (many of which were opportunities brought about by the visionary leadership of President Obama), I have to remember, tap into and follow the complex cognitive map I’ve created from those repeated experiences. I feel like I have developed skills and “tools” with which to do this - especially after such a distressing election campaign and result. The bottom line is - I’m still that same person...still that same educator. Although my cognitive state is a bit muddled at the moment, I’m still motivated to pursue the innate and intense passion I have for environmental education and preservation.
One of the greatest moments of clarity I’ve experienced, as well as the saddest, is the unfamiliarity of my circle of friends. Similar to your belief, I embrace diversity and am always curious about another viewpoint-political or spiritual. I respect differences but will not tolerate, nor allow, differences that perpetuate and support ego, negativity, hatred, racism, segregation, and prejudice into “my territory”. Throughout this entire election, I have chosen to not pre-familiarize myself for this particular election outcome because I will not acknowledge “leaders” who choose to exemplify those characteristics. Yet, I still experience a sense of “cultural shame” for the good ol’ boys club - I mean, electoral college, representing “the majority”…not the populace.
I feel an acute sense of stress my ‘voice’ wasn’t heard (my vote wasn’t counted) and from the implications of this election outcome. I feel a stinging from the conceptual slap-in-the-face from “friends” who have, by proxy, said “Trump’s behavior is ‘ok’ and your environmental work is trivial". However, I still realize, especially after hearing this in lectures, I can somewhat fix this stress (reorienting my mental state to a preferred mental environment) by reinterpreting my mental environment. I feel it is the equivalent to shifting one’s perspective. I know, as an “American” citizen, I have the right to “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness” and therefore will continue to engage in environmental education (both as a student and educator). And, I'm grateful our First Amendment affords me free choice to support (or not in this case) those leaders who are mindful of, represent and reflect my highest good and values as well as those of all people.
I know while controversial, I'm glad that you made this post. This is important to talk about.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post, the line "How did I fail to pre-familiarize for this?" struck me. I've mulled over this thought for a bit now, and I think that while yes, it's true -- I didn't think Trump had a shot at winning... I think my strong reaction was caused by more than surprise. This week, as I begin to read articles about what he's saying, what his supporters are doing, and what the projected outlook for America is... I can't say that I can become any more "comfortable" with the idea. Not that I expected to, really. But I hope, even though this is what we shoot for, that I never become too familiar with the idea. I want to hold onto these strong negative feelings for the next four years, and I want them to motivate me to do more now than I even thought I would.
Though in class we've talked about how to put ourselves in preferred and familiar environments, how to cope with stress (and I have a feeling that while the shock from the election is acute right now, I think it will become an acute sequence that will end after four years!), I don't want to do that with his presidency. I do not want to become complacent, even if it would be easier than holding onto these emotions.